Oopsies! A story you DON'T want to read
by Wolf Flash
Summary: Poor Sakuya used the wrong spell and ended up reviving the wrong spirit, thus resulting in complete randomness, stupidity, etc. PLEASE DON'T READ THIS FIC! It's completely pointless and stupid, unlike anything else I've ever posted! Well, I warned you! XD


This is what happens when Wolfie lets Mwa write a story. Please don't read if you're allergic to stupidness and randomness and etc. Oh, and it contains a half-OC OCC. Why half? Well... you'll come to understand if you read!!!

I actually think that I'll this story down sometime soon, unless people tell me to keep it and write even more!!! X3 Which I might if I feel like it. Sigh... every author needs a break from writing ultra-depressing stories once in a while, riiiiiight? Well, here's the fruit of my boredom.

And no, I don't own anything, except for the stupidity of it all. I don't even own the OC. Because it isn't even an OC! XD

And if you're expecting a really good story... I think you've looked in the wrong place. So now, Wolfie is going somewhere to hide from the horde of angry readers. Au revoir, and please try not to kill me, kay?

* * *

"We must act quickly! There is no time to lose!" cried a certain wood sprite, AKA Sakuya, to nobody in particular as she gazed at the statue of Shiranui. Err… what I meant to say, was that Sakuya was talking to either herself, the statue, or nobody in particular. But anyhow, she continued blabbing on.

"My power has diminished over the years I've spent protecting this area. I don't have much time left in this world. Amaterasu, now is the time. We have never needed your power more. Shine your divine light upon this broken and polluted world. Let your heavenly rays become our hope as you guide us all!" Wow, what a pretty speech. A little overdramatic though.

Suddenly, her chest glowed. Oh, wait, not her chest, but well… something on her chest did, and all of a sudden, it materialized into some sort of weapon. The wood sprite threw it in the air, and it landed… right on the back of the statue of Shiranui! The weapon glowed, and the statue became a true, live wolf! It growled once, unleashing a roar to nowhere in particular, then yawned and sat on its haunches. It looked around, as if confuzzled. As Sakuya began speaking, it was too busy looking around to hear what she was saying, until it heard…

"...The only one capable of such a wondrous spectacle is none other than our mother and the origin of all that is, Amaterasu! How delightful to see that-"

Suddenly, the wolf's head snapped up.

« PARDON!? »

Sakuya suddenly stopped, as if taken aback, and looked at the wolf standing before her. Indeed, it had spoken… but when did Amaterasu learned to speak!? And on top of that, the wolf had a weirdish accent which she recognized as British even though she had never been to Britan ever before.

« RÉPÉTEZ!!! » it said, and Sakuya could only guess that it meant 'repeat'.

"Uhh, the only one capable of such a-"

« NON! L'AUTRE PARTIE DU PHRASE!!! » Of course, the wood sprite still didn't understand, but she had to play along, or most likely, get her head bitten off by a random strange rabid wolf with a British accent that didn't speak English.

"Err… our mother and origin of all that is, Amaterasu…?" said the poor spirit, and the wolf stared at her. "Uh, I…" she began, trying to find a way to explain herself, when suddenly, a really weird sensation came over her chest. She burst into a fit of giggles, and made really strange movements until suddenly, a green bug jumped out of her robe.

"Phew… what was that?" she exclaimed, and the green bug landed in front of her.

"Oww owww owwww!" it cried, and it and the wood sprite launched into this whole big conversation of randomness. In the process, the 'bug' explained that it was not a bug, but instead, Issun the wandering artist, and etc., none of which the wolf heard or cared to hear, of course.

And still, the wolf stared. In fact, it stared until it almost couldn't bear it anymore, when…

"I'll show you just how great I am and it won't be long till you're bowing before my great brush!" said the-bug-named-Issun, and it -he- threw a picture scroll of some sort, which landed on the wolf's face.

"Well, whaddaya think? Even cuter than-" he continued, when suddenly…

« C'EST QUOI TOUS CES IDIOTIES!? » said, no- screamed the wolf, and it was Issun and Sakuya's turns to stare. But still, the wolf continued rambling on.

« J'ETAIS EN TRAIN DE DORMIR UN SOMMEIL DE CENT ANS, ET PUIS ON M'A RÉVEILLÉ, ET PUIS- »

"Woah, woah, what's wrong with ya, furball?" Issun interrupted, and began to make his way closer. "First of all, we don't understand what the hell you're trying to say even though it is ridiculous for a wolf to talk in the first place, and second of all, could you please stop talking in uppercase and using the weird bracket things? It's really screwing up this page. What's with the steam engines anyways? So now, could you-"

Unfortunately, Issun never got to finish his sentence, because at that moment, the wolf stepped on him and promptly smushed him- just like a bug, though insect repellent would have done a better effect with less a mess. Hey, that rhymed! But anyways, his brave deeds did not go to waste, for the wolf coughed as much as a wolf would cough to clear its throat, and started to talk normally.

"So may we now get back to business, _madame_?" it said to Sakuya, completely ignoring the shrill cries from beneath one of its front paws. How sadistic. Then it went back to talking even though it never stopped talking in the first place.

"What I was going to say after that was _oui_, I have been listening to every word you have been saying to yourself for the whole past who-cares-how-long. And I have also concluded that first of all, not only has your power diminished over the years, but sadly, your intelligence and eyesight have as well. Second of all, this world is NOT what you call polluted. Wait for some two or three thousand years, and you WILL see how polluted things get. Have my prophecy. The world WILL experience problems related to pollution, just you wait! I could go on about the greenhouse gas effect and the excess carbon dioxide and the blah blah, but I won't because I don't feel like it. AND THIRD OF ALL, I'M FREAKIN' MALE AND I'M NOT AMATERASU!!! Unless you really believe in mpregness which is completely unnatural and gross, then I am NOT 'mother' to ANYTHING!!"

"You're doing it again!" came a tiny voice from the floor, and the wolf grinded its front paw and it became silent. Harsh!

Sakuya just stared and blinked, taken really aback. She looked at the wolf closer, and came close to gasping. First of all, she at last noticed that on its back was NOT the flaming Divine Retribution, but a blue glaive, which the unfortunate reader who is now being cruelly tortured in being forced to read this crappy fic may come to recognize as Tsumugari. Second of all, the voice really didn't sound female at all. But the strange thing was, the wolf still looked rather like Shiranui, but it was completely black and without the divine markings.

"B-but… Amaterasu…" she began.

"I. Am. Not. Amaterasu. _Compris_?"

"Hey, be nice to the lady, will ya?" said Issun, who by now, had painfully freed himself from between the floor and the wolf's paw. He jumped onto the wolf's muzzle, although he was now rather… flat, and he wasn't so much green as red. But still, he continued.

"Look. First of all, you have to learn manners. Have some common sense, furball!" But then, the wolf snorted, and the flat Issun fell to the floor and became flatter. Now, the lupine was addressing him, it seemed.

"Do you expect someone to be trapped in a freakin' sword in a freakin' shrine for one hundred freakin' years, and come out SANE?" The voice was soft. Dangerous. And had a British French accent which doesn't make since but which Issun noticed anyways, and so he started to blab again.

"I don't know and I don't care. Hey, what's with the accent there? It's British! And about the language you were speaking before, are yah French or something? That's the most ridiculous language ever!" Issun then stared down, and saw that the wolf's eyes had narrowed into tiny slits, and they were… scary!

"What's wrong with French?! It's the official freakin' language on the moon, _imbécile_!!! I was the one who declared it!!!" snapped the wolf, unleashing a string of French swear combos in the process. "And why do you people talk in ENGLISH even though this is freakin' JAPAN!?"

But despite all the warning signs of danger, Issun continued on nevertheless, bouncing as much as his flatness could bounce.

"I don't know and I still don't care. Oh, and how come you can predict stuff anyways? You really remind me of someone I have yet to meet, but that I will meet one day though I don't want to meet him anyways. Hey, I know! If you don't have a name, I'll call you a 'half-baked prophet', even though I have no hell clue as to why I would choose that! In fact, that is the most stupid way to insult anyone! Only an idiot would call another idiot a 'half-baked prophet' unless he were absolutely insane!"

"SILENCE, BOUNCING LITTLE PEST!!!" commanded the wolf. "I am Tsukuyomi, god of the moon!!!" Sakuya only stared.

"Oh, that explains it, even though I don't know what the heck you're talking about, you oversized furball. But that's way too long and complicated to spell so I'll just shorten it to Suki! But I still don't understand anything you're trying to say, especially the British French accent. Also, you have to work on your anger management skills," said the-bug-named-Issun.

"Listen. Long story short, you get bored when you're stuck in a stupid sword for one hundred stupid years. And before I go on about that, you must also understand that it will piss you off when a random guy sticks a stick in the sky and sucks away all your power, and then said guy uses it to slay an eight-headed mumbo jumbo dragon all thanks to your powers, and then pretend that it was all his doing and he gets all the glory. I must also state that it is rather frustrating when people christen you after your own name even though it makes no sense since it was already your name and the people who actually christen people only appear so long after in the future with Christianity. I could also go on about that, but I don't feel like it right now. And when you're stuck in a sword for one hundred years, it's hard to practice anger management, especially since there are no counselors except for a complete dodohead who is… a dododhead. SO DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR, LITTLE BOUNCING PEST???" cried you-know-who, because just in case if I called him Suki, then he will smush the author of this story as well, AKA Mwa.

"I don't know, and I don't care!" came the squeaky reply. And way too soon, Issun found himself in between hard floor and wolf paws again. Ouch.

"Well, uh… this is unexpected…" began Sakuya, who had just passed from being utterly bashed to utterly ignored and wanted a change of pace. "So, uh, uh…"

"Oh, just forget about it!" said the Tsukuyomi. "How about I go back to slumber in that stupid sword and pretend nothing ever happened, and how about YOU start talking to yourself again in hopes of calling my sister, who gets all the glory of being the main character of this whole stupid game unlike I who is utterly ignored just like you stupid wood sprite but not for ten seconds, but instead for the whole freakin' game until the time she pwns the eight-headed dragon as payback for a one-hundred year grudge, and who *might* just help you through with the whole world-gone-awry mess?"

"I don't know and I don't care," came a teeny voice.

"Good. Because I'm leaving," it said to the voice which one could recognize as Issun's. "And just before I bid you adieu, I have three requests. First of all, please change your catch phrase. It's way too daft and cliché, in case you haven't noticed yet. Second of all, the day you meet him, tell the member of the moon tribe wearing that silly bird hat concealing his nice long flowy goldy hair that he'd better not screw up driving a boat next time or else. And don't call him a 'half-baked prophet' either. In case you're wondering, I was the one who taught him how to see into the future and how to NOT drive iron boats loaded with evil monsters. It was also I who made the barrier on the boat that only lets French speaking people to board, or anyone who knows what ten to the power of six evenly divided by three is. My sister, AKA Amaterasu, is allowed to board because she's a wolf and wolves are holy and all-knowing. But YOU, unless you can speak French, will not be able to board. You don't even count as human in the first place. Did I also mention before that every good boat, no matter how sturdy it is, must have life boats equipped, and enough for all the passengers? Humans did learn that when the Titanic crashed on an iceberg. I could also go on about that, but I choose not to in fear that I have been talking for too long and it's becoming a run-on PARAGRAPH that makes the reader's eyes bleed. Oh, and also leave said guy wearing said hat this piece of advice: don't go getting pwned by teh-evil-little-fishy-in-a-giant-metal-ball-that-wants-to-take-over-teh-world. And so lastly, please do study your French. It will most likely come to aid you on your journeys one day, if you haven't guessed already." And then, a hardcover twenty-pound French dictionary smack-dab-landed on top of the unfortunate little bug who just *happened* to be right where it hit.

Tsukuyomi, still AKA Suki, then turned to Sakuya.

"Now your turn. First of all, get new glasses, and I think that it would be best that you study the right spells next time to summon the right things. Second of all, tell my all-powerful sister to plant more trees. This will come in handy one day when humans start to go all insane and cut them all down. She should really take a bath in the process, do add that. Lastly, please do watch over the Cave of Nagi more carefully, especially that statue of me and that dodohead. It really feels uncomfortable when half your body breaks off. Also, tell the next 'chosen one' to wash his hands before and after going to the washroom. It really feels nasty when he doesn't, and I've had first-hand experiences with Nagi, literally. Don't ask."

The wolf then walked back to where the statue was.

"_Jamais au revoir_, and do have a nice day."

With that, Tsukuyomi disappeared in a puff of purple smoke and green confetti, leaving a statue of Shiranui with some orange graffiti scrawled on the side that read: "DO A BARREL ROLL!!!"

And that was that.


End file.
